A moment for the what and the why
Happiness is a paradox. Oftentimes, the more a person reaches for it, the more it is pushed away. Few things are universally desired more than happiness. Governments try to measure it. Industry seeks to package it. Religion links it to the divine. Happiness lives at the intersection of history, science, economics, and philosophy. Humanity’s quest for happiness is old and new, hard and simple, real and imagined. Yet despite its pervasive presence in the human experience, sustained happiness remains an unattainable state of being for most people.
Because there is no unifying definition of happiness, individuals dedicate vast amounts of time, resources, and introspection on this seemingly unreachable endeavor. Collecting data on “happiness”, recognizing patterns and outliers, incorporating the practices of others in order to measure their effectiveness, all hold intellectual merit. Perhaps the most compelling reason to dive deeply into the research, beliefs, and practices around happiness is the idea that happiness is innate; it’s potential attainment exists inherently in every human being. Still, to tap into existing happiness, one must understand and dismantle the overwhelming obstacles to living a life of happiness, joy, and fulfillment.
Of all the books, podcasts, and lecture series that attempt to elucidate the key components of obtaining and maintaining happiness, three particular sources were profoundly compelling and overlapping in their philosophies. These three sources presented the common thread that happiness is a multi-component state of being, and the alignment of these states is essential to living a life of joy. Sarah Kostin, in the book You are the Blue Sky, explored the three principles of mind, thought, and consciousness. In The Book of Joy, Douglas Abrams documented a week-long conversation between the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu, centered around the integration of the mind, emotion, and awareness. And through The Elevation Academy lecture series, Rabbi Doniel Katz espoused that the mind and human thought provide a map to “divine” consciousness and true happiness. Each of these sources provides scholarly and practical wisdom on how and why it is paramount to meld these parts of ourselves in order to find joy and meaning in our lives. Presented across all three sources is the idea that happiness, as the alignment of the experience, the conscious, and the connected, moves from the inside out.
In You are the Blue Sky, Sarah Kostin echoed the Three Principles philosophy from Dharmic wisdom. These three wisdoms are traditionally listening, contemplating, and meditating. The author spins these to be interpreted as one’s experience, interpretation of said experience, and then thoughts that occur after as a result of the interpretation. According to Kostin, our perception and experience of life is created through the interplay of Mind, Thought, and Consciousness. Mind refers to one’s inner sense of knowing and wisdom. Thought is the language of the mind, the filter through which we view our external circumstances. Consciousness is what brings light and awareness to our thoughts. As Kostin explains, “It is easy to believe that our experience of life comes from forces outside of ourselves, such as life circumstances or events” (Kostin 20). However, the reality is in fact the opposite. Nothing from the outside world gives us happiness. External circumstances are neutral. Our thoughts tell us the quality of our thinking at that moment, and we often misinterpret these thoughts as fixed, like clouds that take on a distinctive shape (Kostin 70). Kostin extends this metaphor by pointing out that we try to manage these clouds and offer them our complete attention, when we should be focusing on the blue sky instead. As Mary Gleason Olson, co-founder of One Solution Global Change Initiative, poignantly claims, “The life of a thought is only as long as you think it” (Kostin 110). Through numerous personal anecdotes, Kostin describes her transformation from letting her thoughts define her and produce the movies of her life to letting herself feel the space before the thought, the blue sky, in order to see through the limitations we place on ourselves through thought. By releasing attachment to expectations and past occurrences, we open ourselves up to experiencing all that the judgment free world has to offer.
Similarly, as put forth by the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu in The Book of Joy, happiness rests in our innermost selves. It is not something to find since it is already in us. Like Kostin, these spiritual leaders embrace the notion that our thoughts and ideas, our reactions to events and circumstances, are what frame our self-concept with respect to joy, value, and fulfillment. The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu, revered as spiritual masters and moral leaders who transcend any one specific faith tradition, share many common beliefs about what animates our lives and what ultimately leads to a life of satisfaction and meaning. They believe that while we cannot control suffering, we can control how we react to it. “We cannot control the inevitability of these occurrences, but both men agreed that we could influence their effect in our life by adjusting the attitude we take toward them” (Abrams 122). Additionally, they concur that being frustrated with our expectations is where anger stems from, but learning compassion can help. The pressures of everyday life cause many people to have unrealistic expectations. However, what happens when you fail to meet these expectations is actually more important than the expectations themselves. It is possible to cultivate happiness by broadening our perspective and developing compassionate concern for others. When you’re able to see the world through a wider lens, you realize that any given moment is just a moment. (Abrams 367). The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu all underscore the importance of aligning our bodily experiences, thought, and consciousness if we seek to create a space where true change can begin.
This notion that the seed of happiness dwells inherently in our conscious actions, is also supported by Rabbi Doniel Katz in the lecture series, The Elevation Academy. According to Rabbi Katz, “We are all one soul. The perception that we are each on our own spiritual journey is inaccurate. Instead, through our own personal spiritual exploration, we are healing each other, supporting each other, and elevating the greater collective” (Katz 48:59). As Katz purports, Kabbalah (Jewish mysticism) teaches that all of humanity is really one united consciousness and that when we perform a mitzvah (a potent spiritual act), we transform ourselves and help heal, illuminate, and elevate others. Rabbi Katz explains, “Even through as small an act as giving charity in the name of a particular person, we cause a spiritual ascent for our soul and for the soul of the person we helped.” (Katz 122:23). Rabbi Katz demonstrates through his mystical teachings that our thoughts and emotions surrounding an event or experience are chosen. We construct them, and we breathe life into them, for better or worse. It is in the letting go of these thoughts that we step closer to divine consciousness. As Katz proclaims, “When we choose to live our life with the utmost spiritual integrity, and turn whatever darkness we carry — fear, anger, lust, regret — up to the light, then we release that darkness for ourselves and for all the individuals who came before us.” (Katz 1:45:34) Rabbi Katz, the Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, and Sarah Kostin collectively agree that when our awareness around our thoughts, interpretations, and motivations connect us to something greater than ourselves, we are more inclined to experience sincere joy.
Finally, with the advise and metacognitive tools in hand from the aforementioned sources, I attempted to train my mind to find greater happiness through practicing exercises that align what I felt were the essential three components of fulfillment: the experience, the conscious, and the connected. Disappointedly, although not surprisingly, I found myself unable to do it. I couldn’t incorporate any of the recommended exercises into a regular practice. Even though I felt strongly that I wanted contentment and fulfillment in my life, I struggled with remaining in the moment and harnessing the necessary focus to complete a “happiness task”. With the demands of my routine such as studying for my degree, working to pay my rent, or socializing to maintain a friendly reputation, I had trouble justifying the time spent on quieting my mind and investigating my thoughts and actions, let alone finding a sense of superconsciousness. Even though the books and videos spoke of the detrimental influence of using external markers to measure time well spent, I experienced tremendous difficulty with letting go of my conditioned need to be productive.
I often described the way I felt during the last semester as a raft in the open ocean trying desperately to find land. Sometimes, I would feel very close to the alignment of my three parts, and this would feel like my raft was about to dock. But then I would hear someone shout for help or I would forget my rope (nonjudgmental interpretations of neutral events), and I would be swept back out to ocean, with the waves dragging me in all directions. My alignment would be thrown askew, and I would be giving all of my efforts to the experience part or to the consciousness part of myself. This would lead to feeling unfulfillment in other areas. Sometimes I would meditate and feel that I was finding some sort of superconsciousness state, but giving my connected part all the focus for short bursts was unsustainable. I would eventually crash into my experience self and be disgusted by the world around me. On my metaphorical raft, I equated happiness with finding land. I convinced myself that once I even thought I saw land, I need to paddle as hard as I could for it before I tired and was swept back to sea. Clearly, I was working against myself, sabotaging my efforts with thoughts of distraction, failure, and productivity.
If I was ever going to allow my mind to “let go” of expectations of achievement, negative thoughts, and societal norms and pressures, I knew I needed to “let go” of external fear, worry, and routine in a unconventional and transformative way. To stretch the raft metaphor to it’s final point, I needed to abandon my oars. I made the decision to travel alone for several weeks this summer to push myself irrevocably beyond my comfort zone. I intend to let the raft float and move with the ebb and flow of the ocean. With the constant input of social media, goals and deadlines, bills and plans, it is no wonder that I fill my days listening to every voice but my own. Through solo-travel, I want to eliminate the opportunity of things that I “should be doing” to cloud my experience, consciousness, and connection. I need to make the time and space to do the “landing” exercises. I need to step away from the prying eyes and endless expectations of what the outside world tells me time should be used for and just be with me, my experiences, thoughts, and emotions.
It may seem counterintuitive that the desire to be alone with my thoughts is motivated by an aspiration to connect to a sense of purpose beyond myself. Yet I strongly believe that before I can be better for something larger, I first need to be better for myself. I have to find the source of my own thoughts in order to communicate with the inner voice that often tells me that I am not enough. I also recognize that I will need to return from my travels and reenter the world of pressures, stresses, and responsibilities. However, it my hope that this experience and my sincere attempt to process it without judgment will provide with me the ability to tap into this selk-knowledge without abandoning civilization in the future. Once I have created space for myself in my own mind, I will be able to return to that space without needing to be “away” from myself. In the words of Rabbi Doniel Katz, I hope “to trust that the light is enough, that “the good” is enough, that "the good" is all the motivating power we will ever need. We must be willing to release the darkness and fully embrace the light” (Katz 1:54:18).
Work Cited
Abrams, Douglas, Dalai Lama, Tutu, Desmond. The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World. Large Print, Hutchinson, 2016.
Katz, Rabbi Doniel. “The Elevation Academy.” The Elevation Project, 14 June 2022, elevationproject.com/.
Kostin, Sarah. You Are the Blue Sky: Understanding Who You Are beyond Your Thinking. Soulspired Press, 2021.